Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
