I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
