i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
