im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
