...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
