She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
