We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
