Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
