bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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