If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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