good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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