when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
