I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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