fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
