White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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