just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
