I think im going to throw up on grandma
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
