i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
