I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
