no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
