I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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