I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We are two peas in an std pod
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
