Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
