well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
