Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
