Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
