i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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