Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
