Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
