DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
