Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
