just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
