WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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