I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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