i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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