Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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