Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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