I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
