So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
