Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
