I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He has the fingertips of a God
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
