We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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