i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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