I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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