i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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