I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
