how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
