So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
