You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
