There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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