so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
