Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
