If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
